The Art of Starting Over

Devorah Crowley—because Hayden refused to use her married last name—made him feel like a sixteen-year-old all over again, and even though they were in middle school when they had their first kissing encounter, those feelings never subsided, at least until he’d simply given up.

The jitters were back. Those heart palpitations that made him feel like he was about to shake right out of his skin. He felt anxious and energized, like he’d drunk a four-pack of Red Bulls and was ready to run a marathon.

The worst part—he needed to put his hands somewhere, and his pockets didn’t suffice. When they entered the snack shack, it was crowded. Granted, the space was tiny, so more than ten people made it feel like there wasn’t any room to move around. Hayden used this as an excuse to reach for Devy’s hand.

You know, so she wouldn’t get lost.

Her fingers slipped between his effortlessly, and when she gave his hand a light squeeze, he smiled, thankful he was taller than her because he didn’t want her to see his cheesy grin. They got in line and stared at the illuminated menu.

“That thing has never been updated,” Dev said.

“Probably not. I can’t imagine this place brings in a ton of money with the giant megaplex forty minutes down the road.”

“I think that’s sad. Granted, I live in a megacity, but there’s something about the nostalgia a small town has.”

“Like fish fries.”

Devy’s eyes widened as she looked at Hayden. “I haven’t had a fish fry in a long time. Is Hank’s still open?”

Hayden nodded. “Does Maren like fish?”

“No, but my girl can put away corn dogs like there’s no tomorrow.”

He laughed as they stepped closer to the counter. “Conor is the same. His favorite are chicken fingers, and now with fancy sauce.”

It was Devorah’s turn to laugh. “Who knew ketchup and mayonnaise would be so popular together.” They took another step toward the front, still holding hands. “Some company bottles it, but I can’t remember who. Doesn’t matter because it’s not the same.”

“See, you get it. Ranch dressing from a restaurant isn’t the same as the bottle. I say this all the time, and no one believes me.”

“Believe me, I do.” Dev laughed again.

They approached the counter. The teen behind the cash register mumbled, “Can I help you?”

“We’ll take a bucket of popcorn, a box of M&M’s, and two large sodas. One Coke, the other Sprite.” Hayden looked at Devy for confirmation. She nodded. Hayden paid and then walked to the end of the counter.

While they waited, Hayden played scenarios over in his mind on how he was going to carry their snacks and hold Dev’s hand back to the truck. No matter which way he configured things in his mind, hand-holding was out.

After they got their things, Hayden put the candy in his back pocket and carried the sodas while Devy wrapped her arm around the warm bucket of popcorn and started munching on pieces.

“Is there going to be any left for me?”

“I’m not sorry,” she said, laughing. “I love the warm buttery pieces. In my mind I know I should try and shake them to the middle of the bucket, but my stomach is like, ‘Give me.’ I caved.”

Hayden chuckled and shook his head.

They reached the truck, and Hayden set their drinks down and then contemplated whether he would be able to pry the bucket from Devorah’s arm. He held his hand out. She looked from him to the popcorn, sighed heavily, and gave him her free hand. Hayden laughed hard—until Devy’s foot slipped, and she almost fell. Hayden caught her before she hit the ground. Miraculously, none of their popcorn spilled.

“Shit, are you okay?”

“Yes, thanks to you,” she said. “I think your truck hates me.”

“Well, I can’t have that. I guess I need to buy a new one.” Hayden scooped Devy into his arms, much to her shock, and set her on the tailgate. He didn’t want to risk any more incidents. As soon as she moved out of the way, he hopped into the back and brought their drinks to where they’d sit and watch the movie.

Hayden poured the candy into the bucket of popcorn and gave it a good shake. Thanks to Devorah eating most of the top layer off, there was some room to avoid any spillage. He set it between them, adjusted the volume on the radio so he wouldn’t have to do it when the movie started, and then took his spot next to Devy.

“It’s a beautiful night,” she said as the sun continued to disappear over the horizon.

“You know, for the first few months after Sofia died, I hated nights. Most of them were sleepless. I’d lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, asking myself the same questions over and over. ‘Why didn’t I insist on driving her? Why didn’t I tell her I’d pick her up at a certain time? What the hell am I going to do now? How do I raise Conor?’”

“I think things would be easier if . . .” Devorah trailed off. “I know it’s mean to say, but then I wouldn’t have minor panic attacks when my phone rings or be afraid to look at a video on the app. I used to enjoy scrolling, watching funny dog videos or learning a new recipe. They took so much away from me because of how selfish they are.”

Hayden reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I suspect the video dies down eventually?”

Devorah shrugged. “Once it’s on the internet, it’s there for life. I tell Maren this all the time. It’s such a scary place. Everyone is always going to remember the video of the mistress coming clean, but no one is going to care about the damage it’s done to me and my daughter.”

“Conor and I will just have to work harder to help you and Maren overcome it all.”

Devorah smiled. “Maren really likes Conor. He’s a great kid.”

“Thanks. I wish I could take all the credit, but I can’t. Sofia was a great mom.”

“I’m really sorry you lost her.”

He was as well.

But then he wouldn’t be sitting next to Dev.

His heart was torn.

The movie screen changed from advertisements to previews for upcoming flicks. Hayden moved closer to Devorah and spread the blanket he’d brought across their laps. She also inched closer to where their shoulders touched.

At some point during the movie, she reached for his hand. Hayden tried not to smile, but he couldn’t hold back. Halfway through, he put his arm around her shoulder, and she snuggled into his chest.

During the second movie, he found himself watching her more than what was playing on the screen. Each time she laughed, his heart soared. The sound was like music to his ears. He thought back to the day he’d given her a ride in the rain. She was a shell of herself. In the days they’d spent together since, she had blossomed, and the girl he remembered had begun to return. Devorah was beautiful. Now and then.

She looked at him. The wide grin she had stayed. Hayden trailed his finger along her cheek, and then he tilted her chin up, angling her lips to meet his. It may have taken a handful of years, but he was kissing Devorah Crowley again, and this time he wasn’t going to let her go.

For the first time since Sofia passed, Hayden felt hope. He hadn’t set out to find someone, but fate had a funny way of showing him what had been in front of his face for most of his life.

He deepened the kiss but kept his hands to himself. This was enough . . . for now. They both needed to move slow because it wasn’t just them anymore. They had children to think about. To put first. And Devorah needed to heal. Thankfully, Hayden had the cure. He’d show her that she and Maren needed to stay in Oyster Bay, and what he and Dev could’ve been had he admitted his feelings years ago.noveldrama

When they broke apart, they both sighed. He wanted to go right back in for more, to pull her down and under the blankets like the horny teen he had once been.

“That wasn’t awkward at all,” she told him.

“It wasn’t our first kiss.”

“In public it was.”

Ouch, that stung and was well deserved. Hayden ducked his head and sighed. “I’ve grown up a lot since then. Believe me, I wish I had done things differently.”

“Same,” she said.

Hayden leaned in and kissed her again. Old habits were hard to break.

When they parted, Devy sighed. “You know, we pretty much perfected the art of making out back then.”

“Let me know when you’re ready to write the sequel.”

Devorah smiled. “When I’m ready to trust again, you’ll be the first to know.”

He sighed, kissed her forehead, and then put his arm around her. She snuggled into his side and rested her hand on his abdomen.

Returning to Oyster Bay had scared him. He’d worried he wasn’t making the right decisions for Conor and himself. Sitting there in the back of his truck, with a woman he used to be in love with, was now proving he had.

On Monday morning, Hayden felt nothing but relief when he saw the bucket loader and a rather large pile of dirt on his property. They’d finally broken ground on his and Conor’s new house. He got out of his truck and walked to where Link Blackburn stood with a clipboard. They shook hands and patted each other on their backs.

“It’s good to see you, Hayden.”

“You too, Link. How’s it looking?”

“The plans for the house look great. There shouldn’t be much bedrock here. I think our biggest issue will be tree roots, but we’ll get those taken care of.”

“Thanks. I appreciate it. I’m eager to start building. If all goes well, how long are we looking at?”

“We’ll pour the foundation at the end of the week and start framing next week. Do you still plan to help?”

Hayden nodded. “I do. I need something to do.”

Link told Hayden to follow him to his truck. There, he handed Hayden a hard hat and some protective eyewear. “Always wear these,” Link said. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Safety first.” Hayden put the hat on.

“Once we get the dirt out, we’ll start leveling. We can use extra hands for sure.”

“I’m your guy.” Hayden looked at the bucket loader digging into the ground. Each push was oddly satisfying for him. Hayden figured if he worked on the house every day, it would get done faster. He wanted Conor to have his first Christmas without his mom in their new home. The McKenna men needed a fresh start.

“Link, what do you think about a pool?”

He lifted his shoulder. “If you want one, we can dig the hole while the bucket loader is out here.”

Conor definitely wanted a pool.

He wondered if Devorah and Maren would want one.

The thought jolted him and was completely out of the blue. Hayden stared at the ground as he tried to reconcile why he’d thought about Devy in that way. Sure, they’d had a great date and shared a deep and meaningful kiss, but . . .

But what?

Were either of them ready to start something serious?

A smile crept across his lips. He was. He still loved Sofia and always would, but he had fallen in love with Devorah first, and there she was at the forefront of his mind.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Hayden said. “A pool would be great. I’ll figure out the size and all that.” He reached for Link’s clipboard, took his pencil, and mapped out where the pool would go. Hayden would have to add more decking, but it would be worth it.

Around lunchtime, a truck pulled into the lot. Everyone stopped what they were doing when two women got out and went to the back. Hayden recognized Devy instantly but couldn’t place the driver.

As much as he wanted to walk over to her and see what was up, he stayed with Link and the others. The driver came around the front of the truck, carrying a box. Link’s employees started hooting and hollering.

“Who ordered lunch for everyone?” Link asked, but no one answered him.

Hayden watched as Dev approached carrying another box. He went to her and took it. “This is a nice surprise.”

“I think I’ve been set up by my brother.”

“What do you mean?” Hayden asked, laughing.

“He said Blackburn Construction needed this delivery, but by how excited the guys seem to be about getting food, I’m questioning Colt’s business tactics.”

Hayden owed Colt, big time.

“Well, I’m happy you’re here. Come on, let me show you the house.” Hayden dropped the second box off for the guys to pick through and hoped someone would save him something. He reached for Devy’s hand and took her over to where they were digging.

“I know it’s going to be hard to picture, but bear with me.” He stood behind her.

“A wide farmer’s porch, wrapping around to meet a sizable deck, which will be perfect for entertaining.”

“Party planning already?”

“I’m sure there’s a high school reunion coming up.”

Devy groaned.

“You’ll walk in, and the kitchen will be to the left, along with the dining room. On the right, the living room, with one of those massive windows, because Oyster Bay has the best sunrises. On the back side, the primary suite will lead to the deck. I’m thinking French doors and maybe a bistro set to enjoy morning coffee. The staircase will be somewhere in the middle, leading to the three bedrooms.”

“This is a huge house, Hayden.”

He shrugged. “I’m thinking ahead with resale value.”

“Makes sense.”

“I decided this morning to put in a pool.”

“Definitely a party house. Don’t tell Crow, or he’ll be over here all the time,” she said, laughing. “Poor Conor. He won’t be able to get away with anything.”

A horn honked, and Devy sighed. “That’s my cue to go back to work.”

Hayden was tempted to kiss her, but he held back.

“Maybe I’ll stop in later. I think I need to check out the new bartender at the Lazy Lamb.”

Devorah smiled. “I know how to pull the tap for a beer. That’s about it. Oh, and order corn dogs.” She started walking away and then turned. “Thanks for showing me your house, Hayden. I really like it.” Devy walked to the truck and never looked back. If she had, Hayden probably would’ve run toward her and kissed her in front of everyone.